Ladies, let’s imagine we’re all at the end of the runway and Michelle Visage has said something catty about our dress. The dress we just spent hours making with a half-yard of purple sequined stretch polyester, duct tape and five peacock feathers. Can you even imagine?
You know what’s going to happen next, right? RuPaul is going to open her glorious mouth and say “It’s time to lip sync FOR. YOUR. LIFE.”
And now you have to bring it, girl! You have to hope you don’t forget a single Lady Gaga lyric as you lip sync and prance like a maniac, with way more energy than your average Energizer bunny in stilettos. Bonus points for ending in a split, but definitely keep the wig on. (Have you learned nothing?)
You can imagine it, right? You’re up there willing yourself not to sweat through your gown in the glare of the runway lights. RuPaul is wearing emerald green satin because: hello, she looks fabulous in green, and now she’s looking straight at you. Honey, you are out of time.
Now go back and read the blog headline one more time. Because that’s the only point to this story – I need you to hear RuPaul’s voice when she says “…FOR. YOUR. LIFE” in that husky sex goddess voice of hers.
And now I want you to cancel your Netflix account.
Come back to me, Gorgeous. Deep breaths, it’ll be okay.
Here’s the thing: I know you tend to think you have forever to finish that novel or book or poems. You didn’t write today (or yesterday, or tomorrow) and okay, maybe it’s been a few weeks longer than the last time you set it aside.
But the manuscript is still there where you last left it, and you’re going to get back to it really soon.
Possibly tomorrow. Or if not tomorrow, then definitely next week. Or if not next week, then for sure next month – life will be so much less busy next month, for sure.
When exactly DID you last have a good solid writing session? One where you went so deep into the other world of your story or poem that you had to shake yourself to come out of it? You had that sense of waking from a good dream and a little of that feeling lasted all day long.
If you honestly can’t remember the last time you felt this, but you do know who won Season 7 of RuPaul’s Drag Race AND have watched at least one other television series in its entirety TWICE, then we both know you have a problem.
I’m saying “at least one” to be gentle with you. (And because I’m writing this as someone who’s seen all The Good Wife and Grey’s Anatomy twice.)
I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. The answer to your plotting questions does not lie in Episode 4 of the new Queer Eye season.
If you fast-forward in your mind to the end of your life, would an accurate engraving on your headstone be something like “She Watched Some Excellent Television?” If we only get the one go-round, is that what you really want from this life?
I’ve cancelled my Netflix account twice now, most recently just two weeks ago. It doesn’t last forever, and in all honesty I’m not telling you to never watch television, so you can relax and stop yelling at me in your mind.
What if instead, you used your TV time as a reward for a writing streak? Two writing sessions during the week gets you one solid Netflix session on the weekend?
When I find I’m watching increasingly more Netflix and that manuscript of mine still isn’t finished, that’s when the voice in the back of my mind whispers “Oh Hell No!”
And while there are worse things than when the voice in your head sounds like RuPaul, it’s usually a good sign that what I need in my life is a little less Netflix, and a lot more writing.
If you’re honest with yourself right now, what do you most need to do FOR. YOUR. LIFE?
Whatever the answer is: hop to it, Honey. There’s no one else here to do it for you and the runway’s all yours.